How many of us have heard a friend or relative say something like, “You’re so lucky living out there, it must be wonderful”, with the presumption that the warm weather and the large houses in Dubai must make us miraculously and continuously happy. Comments like this, which create an expectation that we should be happy, have actually been shown to make us less so… then guilt that we aren’t enjoying this gift can make us more unhappy again as we question what is wrong with us, as surely this is meant to be one of the happiest cities in the world?
So what does make us happy?
Well firstly, scientists have shown that living in a bigger or nicer house, actually doesn’t make us happier in the long term. Nor does moving to a sunnier climate once the honeymoon ‘holiday’ period has worn off (any longer term happiness increases are in the 1-2% range, so minimal).
Even winning the lottery will elevate our happiness for only a few months, as once the hedonistic excitement of spending has worn off; our neighbor has just got the latest model car (and ours was the previous one); and the shine has worn off our new designer clothes, we fall right back down to our pre-winning levels of happiness. In fact, once all our basic needs of food, warmth and a roof over our heads have been met, there is very little difference in happiness between those living in palaces and those in grass huts. Think about it, those Kardashians really don’t look any more happy with their lives than we do – possibly much less so, as I am sure their expectations of happiness are higher.
Studies have shown that half of the variable factors that go towards happiness are hereditary – so it really is back to your parents (thanks Dad – you are always smiling). However, it is not just how they raised you as only 10% is due to the your circumstances, such as living in low or high crime areas; when you left school; your age; whether you have children or not; or even whether you have good health.
What does affect happiness are your own perceptions: for example how you view your own health. Your doctor may say you are fine, but if you don’t think you are, your sense of wellbeing and happiness will fall; equally those terminally ill are sometimes very happy, enjoying their last days with loved ones and feeling a lot better than the tests may suggest. This might be linked to one’s level of optimism, which also positively correlates to your happiness levels.
Interestingly extraverts are generally happier than introverts, but as an introvert who frequently plays the extravert game, I feel slightly aggrieved by this, as I perceive myself to be a pretty happy person. However, it is probably linked to the number and types of social connections or close friendships that I have (or think I have?), which has the affect. Being married also has a positive effect on happiness, possibly because of the companionship and support this gives us, although if the marriage is aggressively negative, we really would be happier divorced or separated.
Religion can make people happier, the reasons may be a combination of the social aspect, the sense of community; and the sense of purpose that people who have a vocation or do charitable work also feel. Doing things for others really can lift our own spirits. This sense of purpose can overflow into our work life too as, having work that engages and interests us, makes us happier. Being able to get into the flow and have the day race by increases our sense of well being; however so does having time for leisure, to see our friends, to engage with nature or pursue a hobby that we love with a passion. I am sitting writing this blog from a dhow, tucked behind an island on the Musandam peninsular. My friends have all gone diving, which I would love to have done too, but I have another four months before I am allowed back in the water after my back surgery. I am looking forward to joining them again and am optimistic that this will happen on schedule. Meanwhile, I am enjoying the company and camaraderie that some time away with friends can give, and watching a sea eagle soar above the boat through the window.
Two more aspects of our lives can increase our happiness: sleep and exercise. Exercising regularly in a way that we enjoy can actually enhance our sleep, so it can be a positively reinforcing cycle. Having a good night’s sleep can also make it easier to go for that walk or swim in the morning, but pushing ourselves to do some exercise in the morning, even when tired, can energise us for the day and allow us to sleep better at night in a way that slouching in front of the TV, or having a glass of grape, just doesn’t do.
So seize the day.
Think of an activity that gives you pleasure and make yourself some time to persue it, or choose some friends that you like being with and pick up the phone to make contact. If your mood is just a little down, then buying that new pair of shoes will still lift your mood temporarily, but for lasting change we need to make some minor tweaks to the way we interact with the world.
